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"Drop-dead funny." -- One of several publishers who rejected our first book.

"I laughed so hard I almost fell overboard." - Jamaica Rose, No Quarter Given

"Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket are funny, funny men." - The Green Man Review

Chrissie Warren, Pirate Hunter

Just in time for Talk Like A Pirate Day, Ol' Chumbucket's first young adult novel!

When Chrissie Warren's sailor father is captured by pirates, the 13-year-old disguises herself as a boy and signs on to a Caribbean-bound merchant ship to find and rescue him. With the help of unexpected friends she survives attacks at sea, back-alley brawls and the press gang, finally tracking the pirates to their lair. What she discovers along the way is – herself.

chrissie warren book cover

The early reviews are great:

"If you like pirate yarns, adventure tales, wry humor, or just books, chart a swift course for Chrissie Warren: Pirate Hunter. Talk Like a Pirate Day founder and renowned pirate scribe John Baur’s first stab at young-adult fiction features top-notch characterization, breathtaking battle scenes, and as much plot as your favorite Rafael Sabatini and Hunger Games novels — combined. What’s more, Baur layers in maritime verisimilitude as well as anyone since Patrick O’Brian. You will taste the salt air. You will feel the four-pound cannonballs whistling past. You will not be able to wait to set sail with Chrissie Warren and her crew again."

— Keith Thomson, NY Times bestselling author of Once a Spy and Pirates of Pensacola

Buy it now!

  • Amazon Kindle edition - $6.95
  • Trade paperback edition (6"x9", 268 pages) - $12.95
  • One-time-only limited edition hardcover, signed and numbered by the author. (6"x9", 272 pages) - $45. Contains three additional illustrations by cover artist/designer Katherine J. Bishop. Orders open through Nov. 1. When orders close, we'll print that many copies, which will be shipped to Ol' Chumbucket for signing and shipment to the buyers. Books will arrive in plenty of time for Christmas. This is the only opportunity to purchase a signed copy of the book online.

Pirate Santa

A heart-warmin' tale about tattooed pirates in the Caribbean who save the day!

Join our own Cap'n Slappy, Tal, Ninja Boy, Pirate Baby Girl and crew in one of the best children's books ever about a Christmas pirate adventure.

Brought to you by Santa Claus and Studio City Tattoo.

Click the book to order your copy now from

"...a charming children's pirate picture book that promises to emerge as a Christmas classic ... This delightful mix of bold buccaneers and swashbuckling good fun teaches the universal values of honesty, integrity and good form." -

Story by Clay "Talderoy" Clement, piratical rhymes by Cap'n Slappy, art by Jun Alvarado, layout and design by Lycan.

Still popular - Cap'n Slappy's Parade of Piratical Poetry

Everyone knows Cap'n Slappy as a legendary pirate, pillaging and plundering and delivering savage beatings with his fists and forehead. But he also has a more artistic side, and - as you know if you follow him on Twitter or Facebook - he's prone to breaking out in poetry at the drop of a (pirate) hat. Now he's collected some of his best pirate limericks, "pi-ku" and other poetical ditties in a slim red volume that makes an excellent - and hilarious - stocking stuffer for the pirates in your life.

40 pages, paperback

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The Pirate Life: Unleashing Your Inner Buccaneer

Order it now!

Ahoy there, scallywags and sea wenches! Prepare to have your timbers thoroughly shivered. The two guys who accidentally invented International Talk Like a Pirate Day, experts in areas of pirate lore, pirate philosophy, and pirate fashion sense, here present a hilarious guidebook guaranteed to have landlubbers swashing their buckles in no time!

Shoot up the corporate ladder with your newfound pirate panache.

Discover how pirate-hood provides a solid platform for power and political gain.

Dive right in to the dangers and delights of dating pirate style.

Raise a family—and see how pirate tactics will keep your li’l swabbies in line.

Learn how to write your own pirate romance novel. Really, how can you beat that?

Packed with hundreds of tips and tricks, The Pirate Life is the quintessential life and career manual for buccaneers everywhere!

“By applying the principles in this book, I’ve enjoyed a 78% increase in my income from plunder.” –-Dave Barry

240-page trade paperback from Citadel Books, a division of Kensington Publishing Co. $12.95 (and worth every penny!).

Pirattitude book jacket

Now in its sixth printing from Penguin Books' New American Library,
and available from a bookstore near you!

Join Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket in a rollicking lesson in how to bring pirattitude to your everyday life. Whether you're a scurvy dog or a saucy wench, you can join revelers worldwide in talking, plundering and swashing your buckles like a pirate 365 days a year.

Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket will provide you with:

Tips on how to make your party a buccaneer ball that even Martha Stewart would be proud of.

Help determining your true pirate monicker.

Sure-fire pirate pickup lines for any occasion (Prepare to be boarded!)

Find out who has pirattitude (Avril Lavigne, the Rolling Stones) and who doesn't (Britney Spears and the Bee Gees.) Learn some rockin' sea chanties, test your Pi.Q, divine yer future (hint: Ye'll probably end up dancing the hempen jog!) and lot's more.

So come aboard the good ship Festering Boil and take a lesson from Cap'n Slappy and Ol' Chumbucket. When their done with you, you won't recognize yerself. And we mean that in a good way.

(Note: This is a grown-up book for those who aren't too grown up, If you're looking for children's books, we've got a list)

"Every now and then, some visionary individuals come along with a concept that is so original and so revolutionary that your immediate reaction is: 'Those individuals should be on medication.'

Today I want to tell you about two such people, John Baur and Mark Summers, who have come up with a concept that is going to make you kick yourself for not thinking of it first: Talk Like a Pirate Day. As the name suggests, this is a day on which everybody would talk like a pirate. Is that a great idea, or what? There are so many practical benefits that I can't even begin to list them all." -- Dave Barry, Miami Herald, Sept. 8, 2002.

"The Pirate Guys have pens as mighty as their cutlasses. "Pirattitude," their hysterical piratic how-to, reads like a brig bounding over the Spanish Main under full sail. And after finishing it, you'll know enough to capture a brig and bound it over the Spanish Main. Huzzahs to Ol' Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy, and may they live to write again!"

--Keith Thomson, author of the novel "Pirates of Pensacola"

"All the color missing from the Lafittes can be found in "Pirattitude!," a helpful guide for those who wish to adopt the pirate lifestyle. ... Slappy and Chumbucket may be on to something here, another clue to the perennial appeal of the pirate. Unlike the tight-lipped tough guys and monosyllabic cowboys who let their guns do the talking, pirates, once they get past arrr, exploit the resources of the English language. Even their parrots have colorful vocabularies."

- - New York Times, Aug. 26, 2005

Order "Pirattitude" now from!

(Note: If ye follow this link and order anything from Amazon - from books to music to cheese - the Pirate Guys will get a wee share o' the booty...)

Now in our fifth printing! Thank you to all our fans who've bought the book!

Book signings and other appearances

More from the Pirate Guys and

by Mark 'Cap'n Slappy' Summers
John 'Ol' Chumbucket' Baur
Jonathan 'Pilferin' Pooter' Cooke

A piratical romp through the alphabet with all that that implies. Sometimes rude, sometimes downright dangerous and subversive, but always fun and always funny. "A Li'l Pirate's ABSeas" does for the alphabet what a well-placed broadside does for a Spanish galleon – softens it up so that pirates can have their way with it! Actually, we're not sure this should be read by children – but their parents will love it. Children should only be given this book by their drunken uncles and wild aunts who don't want the little darlings to grow up to be insufferable prigs!

Trade paperback, 48 pages with original black-and-white illustrations by Jonathan "Pilferin' Pooter" Cooke. $9.50.

Order now from

And more ...


More hilarious tales of swash-buckling adventure on the high seas, originally serialized in our blog, The Ship's Log of the Festering Boil... "The Maracaibo Caper" "The Havana Caper" are now available online at

These big, fat trade paperbacks are $14.95 each, and feature the crew of the Festering Boil – Cap'n Slappy, Ol' Chumbucket, Cementhands McCormack, Dogwatch Watts, Lieutenant Keeling, George the Greek and the rest – in a pair of swashbuckling adventures.

In "The Maracaibo Caper," the crew tracks down some old rivals, the infamous "Bawdy Boys," on a breakneck trip across the Caribbean and into the dark jungles of South America, where a sudden turn of events changes their goal from revenge to simple survival! With old friends in new places and new friends in old ones, there is danger, comedy, anachronisms, and even a little sex, as the Boils face a power they'd never suspected.

Then it's pirate business as usual in "The Havana Caper," with the Festering Boil taking aim at the Spanish treasure fleet. But events conspire to make things more difficult – a pirate possessed by a saint, an arrogant officer, an unwelcome family member, even a goat! But when a vicious ghost from their past resurfaces, the Boils have to drop their everything and fight for their very lives.

Here's what a couple of readers have said about our earlier adventures – "The Diego Garcia Caer" and "The Sao Paolo Caper" –

"I am going back through your two caper books.  I gotta tell ya, they are great!! " - Robert "Cockroach" Blair

"Just wanted to say a big well done to you two on the "Diego Garcia Caper" book ... I was delighted, reading the book in about four days. I've never read a book that fast and couldn't put it down. The story was brilliant, absolutely hilarious, and also daft at times!" - Captain Greenbeard

All four books now available in handsomely printed and bound trade paperback volumes from

More reviews:

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