The Poopdeck


The Talk Like A Pirate Day Newsletter
Published when the fancy strikes
Ol' Chumbucket, ed.
ISSUE NO. 63 or thereabouts- March 3, 2009
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The Poopdeck

199 Days Until Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Today's Inspirational Quote:
"The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a pirate.” -- Bern Williams

In This Issue:

Cap'n Slappy Invades Portland, OR!

March 21 will be a glorious day in the pirate universe when Cap'n Slappy, accompanied by a platoon of piratey pals, storms the Lloyd Center Mall in downtown Portland, OR, and you're all invited to be there. In fact, you're more than invited! You're expected to be there!

It's an event organized by our friend, Robert "Cockroach" Ramstead, a grand fella, let us tell you. He's dubbed the event "Cap'n Slappy's Afternoon Lloyd Center Pirate Romp!!"

Escorted by our buddies, the pirates of B.O.O.M. - the Brotherhood of Oceanic Mercenaries - Slappy will be at Captain Henry's Pirate Store in the mall. He'll be signing copies of our hilarious book - "the Pirate Life: Unleashing Your Inner Buccaneer" - and no doubt getting up to all kinds of mischief and mayhem.

The event will be from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. The hosts are Captain Henry's Buccaneer Brigade and B.O.O.M. All other Northwest pirate groups are invited to attend.

B.O.O.M. pirates will also "meander" throughout the Lloyd Center during the event and invade Captain Henry's.

It will be a lot of fun, and all of ye are encouraged to get yerself to Portland on the day in question to take part. And by all means buy a copy of our book - Slappy will be delighted to smear some ink on an inside page and you can tell people it's his signature!

Concerts Mark New Bogg & Salty Release

Our musical mates Cap'n Bogg & Salty will unveil their new album - nationally! - with a trio of concerts next month.

Cap'n Bogg and Salty is the six-piece pirate rock band that will capture yer heart (and possibly cut it out and keep it in a large glass bottle on the corner of the desk, but that's a different story.) Their hits include the classic, "Scurvy!" (Ol' Chumbucket's favorite song,) "Pieces of Eight," "Pirate Party" and "Pegleg Tango."

You won't want to miss their new album, "Emphatical Piratical."

Here's the details of their world concert tour - well, three shows, technically, but they're pretty spread out so we're callin' it a world tour, and if you don't like it, remember what I said about cutting out hearts.

Here's the schedule:

  • March 07 - Curious Comedy Theater,Portland, OR
  • March 14 - WOW Hall, Eugene, OR. (A great concert venue!)
  • March 28 - Symphony Space, New York City

You can get all the details online by visiting our links page at:

and clicking the link for Cap'n Bogg & Salty.

Don't miss the concert! It'll be more fun that a barrelful of bound and gagged Spanish naval officers. And if you can't make it to the show, at least do yourself the favor of buying the CD! You'll be glad ye did!

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Ol' Chumbucket Loves a Parade!

Mad Sally and I will take to the streets of Christiansted, St. Croix, in the U.S.V.I. for the city's traditional annual St. Patrick's Day Parade.

This'll be the 40th anniversary of the big parade here on our Caribbean Island Home. Now, some of you may wonder why there's a St. Patrick's Day parade on an island with no significant Irish connection, but that's not the point my friends. The point is, it's a lot of fun. Back in 1969, some islanders decided they needed another excuse for a party in the streets (it's been almost a month since the last one!) and created this event.

The parade adds a Caribbean twist to the traditional Irish festival – with steel pan bands and scratch musicians providing much of the entertainment. There is also a colorful procession of floats and revellers in fancy-dress, which begins at the waterfront and winds its way through the city's streets.

And Sally and I have been asked to take part by our friend Marty, who happens to be in charge of the parade this year and promises it'll be a blast.

The event will be held Saturday, March 14. f you're on-island, you won't want to miss it.

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Cap'n Slappy's Pirate Pointer:

(As a service to our readers, we offer a new feature, Cap'n Slappy's Pirate Pointers, in which the captain offers advice and guidelines for the pirate who wants to improve his or her standing among the crew.)

When administering a savage beating with yer fists and forehead, avoid the temptation to include "knee-to-the-groin maneuver" or "KTTGM." This is widely regarded as unsporting unless administered under the following sanctioned exemptions;

  • Your opponent is bigger and/or a better fighter than you are and you need the equalization effect of the KTTGM.
  • Your opponent's offense requires some sort of genital retribution.
  • In the interest of perpetuating a strong genetic code in the species, your opponent must be prevented from ever procreating. (See "Natural Selection.")
  • You have your reasons. Period.

With these helpful guidelines in place, you can enjoy many, many years of shame-free savage beatings with your fists and forehead (and occasionally, knees-to-the-groin.)

Pirate On!
Cap'n Slappy

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That'll be all for now. We've got plenty more to report in the coming weeks, plus at least two new volumes to include in Ol' Chumbucket's Book Club. I've read 'em, but haven't had time to sit down and write about 'em.

Until then, smooth sailing and plenty o' plunder to ye!

-- Ol' Chumbucket
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